Free as a breeze…the final chapter

Well. I thought that I was perfectly ok with my earlier ass issues, because I had a jacket that I just happened to have brought to work this morning. Beautiful, right? Well, I wore my jacket today, and tramped about the office thinking I was golden- everything seemed to be covered.
As I was walking to my car today, I happened to get a glimpse of myself in a shop window. Yes, ass is completely covered. No, wait, shit. Ladies and gentlemen, my jacket was NOT long enough. I walked about work the whole day with my ass hanging out of my jeans.
For the record, I was wearing a very pretty black lace g-string. Although most of the people who worked with me today already knew that.
I am a class act. Really.

Don’t Call Me If…Continues

6. You are sick with a cold, and slurping snot everywhere. Especially if you are going to blow your nose IN MY EAR!
So, I am on the phone with a dude, and he feels the need to blow his nose, with the phone next to his mouth, and also without warning me. That sound came through my headset like thunder. It was a long, goopy blow too.
Gross.

Free as a breeze

So, I am having a horrible morning at work already, right? I have been running around trying to put out fires for a very rude pompous arsehole whose stuff can stay broken until the end of time as far as I care. (That is a topic for another rant, I think.) Anyway, so I come down to go talk to the aforementioned arsehole, and while sitting in my chair, I hear a sickening tearing sound.
My pants split down the arse. From inseam, to mid-arse right under the pocket. There is ass hanging out EVERYWHERE. To make things worse, I do not approve of panty lines, so to quote my friend Jes who was in a similar situation, Sisquo would approve of my undergarment choice. I get to go through 6 more hours of work with my ass hanging out. Yay! :-/
My ass is stuck to my leather chair. Great.

Ok, I take back the “the rain is not so bad”

It has been raining here for 5 days straight. Everywhere you go is flooded. Now, it is so bad that I will most likely not be able to get home tonight. Every possible road home – flooded. The only way I can do it is to go about 60 miles out of my way, and I am sure everyone else is going to be trying the same trick.
I think I am going to end up spending the night with my MIL. Dammit rain! Go away.

Don’t Call Me If…

I figure that since I do phone technical support, I figured I would provide a few helpful tips to people who might call.
Don’t call me if even one of these conditions apply:
1. You are not in front of your computer.
2. You don’t know your username/account number/domain name/email address/whatever.
3. You are not the contact on the account…I can’t help you, so don’t waste my time.
4. You don’t know what operating system you are currently running.
5. You have no idea what error message you are getting.
If any of these things apply to you, do not call me and waste my time and yours. I will make you call me back with the information anyway.

I never thought I would ever say this, BUT…

….I HATE GOOGLE!
They made a change to their paid advertising today that screwed me over big time. I can’t advertise my business site the way I have been, because I have a corporate site. I can’t get a website that will be advertised properly by google because of corporate guidelines on websites. We can only use the official corporate site. Now, my ad goes in a rotation with the 30 other people who are advertising their site, and the one with the highest cost per click gets shown. Before, everyone’s ad was shown, just not necessarily on the first page of a search. Basically, people like me who are spending their lunch money on ads are now fucked. People who can afford to spend $2 a click will get them all.
Shit. Damn Google.

Kill all the Lawyers!

Shakespeare had it right. Lawyers should all be herded out in the street and killed. They take your money, and a lot of it, and do NOTHING in return. A lawyer we hired for a little thingy a few years ago charged us 20K for NOTHING. We will be paying him off for the rest of our natural lives, and when we call for something, he tells us to go f- ourselves because we have not paid him the 20K we owe him. Mind you, we have been paying the agreed upon payment plan since the beginning, but that apparently is not good enough.
I guess lawyers CAN get something for nothing. Dammit.

rain, rain, go away. come back again…NEVER…

…or at least not til next year….
It has been raining for what seems like years here on the West Coast. I guess we get a break today and tomorrow, then its back to rain and thunderstorms. We have gotten more than our usual rainfall less than halfway into the rainy season (or what passes for a rainy season here). I had better not hear any complaints from “experts” on drought this year though. 🙂
Southern California is sure a lot prettier when it is actually green. I guess I *could* get used to this rain after all.

People, *RTFM

Or in this case, the f-ing letter I took all the time to write. So, a customer sends a ticket in with a request. I complete the request, and send back a letter with a bunch of information, including the fact that his request takes 24 hours to update in the system. 3.5 minutes later, I get a call from the same dude, asking why it was not working. I tell him the 24 hours to update thing, and mention that the answers to the questions he is asking are in the letter I sent him. He replies, “oh, I got that, but did not read it. I figured I would call instead.”
The hell? Thanks for wasting 15 minutes of my life, jerk.
*for those who don’t know, RTFM means Read the Fucking Manual

Try English, Stoooopid!

As a part of my business, I am a part of a message board that is quite large. There are about 1500 other purveyors of adult products on there, and let me tell you, some them frighten me with their horrible emails. Now, I never claimed to be a master of the English language, but, seriously people, try to use punctuation and capitalisation. A comma or two now and then never hurt anyone. Spellcheck? Also safe. Use the tools people!