I'm Not Miss January

01. Talk about huge breasts!
02. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
03. It’s Cool Whip time!
04. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!
05. That’s one terrific spread!
06. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
07. Are you ready for seconds yet?
08. It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
09. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!
10. Don’t play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!
18. That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!
*giggle.

I don’t know why this made me laugh so much, but, here it is anyway. Thanks Kirstin for the forward!
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it’s a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man. That’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but we’re unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days”.
Flattered, the man replies, “Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!”
The woman continues, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine, celebrate our good fortune and see where the evening leads.” Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police….
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil bitches. Don’t mess with them..

Please go read this, and while you are at it, read the rest of her blog. Her blog is one of the reasons that I started my own, and maybe one day, my blog will be half as good as hers. Luv ya Jes.
The People of New York #9: If You Know What I Mean

Scizzy was checking out PETA’s website and found this, which he blogged:

LOL! And I thought we were supposed to like to eat small, furry things.

Maybe its the pilot wife in me, but I find this bleeping hysterical.
1. Airplanes usually kill you quickly… a woman takes her time.
2. Airplanes can be turned on by a turn of a switch.
3. Airplanes don’t get mad if you do a “touch and go.”
4. Airplanes don’t object to a thorough pre-flight inspection.
5. Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.
6. Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations.
7. Airplanes can be flown anytime of the month.
8. Airplanes don’t come with in-laws.
9. Airplanes don’t care about how many other airplanes you have flown before.
10. Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
11. Airplanes don’t mind if you look at other airplanes.
12. Airplanes don’t mind if you buy airplane magazines.
13. Airplanes expect to be tied down.
14. Airplanes don’t comment on your piloting skills.
15. Airplanes don’t whine unless there is something seriously wrong.
16. However, when an airplane goes quiet, just like women, it usually isn”t good.

LOL!

Since not all of us watch commercials, I thought you might want to see this one…warning, it’s a bit large.
paris.wmv

Another funny from the incomparable Sonie, from whence many of my funnies come. Luv ya girl.
At one time in my life, I thought I understood the meaning of the word “service.” The act of doing things for other people.
Then I heard the terms:
Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Civil Service
Service Stations
Customer Service
City/County Public Service
And I became confused about the word “service.” This is not what I thought “service” meant.
Then one day, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them mentioned that he was having a bull service a few of his cows.
WHAM!! It all came into perspective! Now I understand what all those “service” agencies are doing to us.

From http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=05/06/09/1440226&from=rss:
Nerds Make Better Lovers
It’s funny. Laugh.
Posted by Zonk on Thursday June 09, @12:48PM
from the slashdot-editors-mentioned-specifically dept.
ultimabaka writes “The New York Daily News, fine bastion of reporting that it is, released an article today discussing the rise of nerd popularity among women in general, and famous women in particular. Detail is given into the dating exploits of Christina Aguilera and Elin Nordegren (nerdy Tiger Woods’ supermodel squeeze), among a bunch of regular Janes. Apparently being a nerd is now in?”
Response: naturally… by professorhojo
Of course we’re better lovers.. it’s because (among other things):
- we don’t sleep around
- we’re generally good at the things we try
- we can concentrate, dammit!
- we have *excellent* finger dexterity
- and most importantly, we have imagination!
LOL! Geeks pwn!